by Anonymous
1. INT. COLLEGE CAMPUS – DAYTIME
Shane Neary and Ian Worth are deep into a point/counterpoint discussion concerning conservatives’ tendency to disregard facts and logic while liberals appear to staunchly hold true to them.
SHANE
Many countries are on board with the United Nations’ plan to seek steep reductions in C02 emissions… something that that will definitely slow down the warming of the Earth’s atmosphere. This plan also steers countries away from fossil fuels and towards renewable natural energy. That’s a good thing, Ian! They’re rescuing the world from global warm--
IAN
But global warming is a hoax! A growing number of respected scientists and economists call bullshit on the so-called climate change doctrine! They’ve offered up temperature data that show no clear recent warming! Not only that; their research notes that the benefits of global warming, if it even exists, would be greater than the negative aspects of it! Thankfully President Trump has filled his cabinet with energy execs and global warming skeptics! His policies are far more friendly toward conventional fossil fuels than that damn Obama--
SHANE
You conservatives just seem to have this irrational suspicion of facts! You mistrust credible scientists and other experts … you mistrust the mass media that reports what scientists and experts believe…! And hey, I can even sympathize. I mean, this mistrust is being deliberately helped along by the corporations and industry giants in this country. The all-mighty oil industry publicizes studies to confuse the climate change debate; The pharmaceutical companies hide unfavorable information on drug safety and effectiveness… This has you conservatives straight-up confused. To you everything is [makes air quotes] “fake news” deliberately created for political or economic gain. And, of course, our current president’s claim that media sites that disagree with him are a part of this fake news… well, that just adds to the mistrust and confusion.
Suddenly a clap of thunder reverberates throughout the area and a costume-clad (yet oddly-barefooted) teenager appears. And almost immediately he leaps into the left/right political fray…
CAPTAIN REASON
Actually, the gullibility of many on the right has roots that go beyond mere suspicion and mistrust.
Dr. Leopold, a college professor and practicing physician at the Lawrence Psychiatric Institute, happened to be passing by at just that moment. The sight of the costume-clad teenager immediately held his attention. He knows this barefoot boy…
CAPTAIN REASON
(Continues) The very definition of [makes air quotes] “the truth” is different for conservatives and liberals…
DR. LEOPOLD
[Scrutinizing CR’s attire] Well the current truthis that your mommy dresses you funny! [Chuckles] Yeah, that bare feet look is really sexy. Makes me want to suck your toes … even eat the corn out of your shit! [laughs] Just kidding…
Captain Reason chuckles, shakes his head and eyes the doctor with keen interest. The two clearly recognize one another, but neither says a word to denote this fact. The bare-footed teen hero merely eyes Dr. L intensely and says,
CAPTAIN REASON
Just as there is always a little pain behind every “it’s okay” … and just as there is always a little emotion behind every “I don’t care” … [Moves forward and really focuses his gaze on Dr. Leopold] There’s always a little truth behind every “just kidding”…
Dr. L says nothing, but the smile has left his face and he suddenly appears to be very uncomfortable.
CAPTAIN REASON
[re-focusing his attention on Ian and Shane] Anyway, back to my point… Illusions and delusions are based on conscious or unconscious wishes; Christopher Columbus’ belief that he had found a new route to the Indies was a delusion based on his wish that he had done so! By this same token, the right’s erroneous beliefs …even in the face of hard evidence and rational arguments… makes something very clear: Their viewpoints aren’t just alternate interpretations of facts, but are instead illusions rooted in unconscious wishes.
SHANE
[Resignedly] If they refuse to accept reality then there’s really no hope of healing this political divide! Partisan fury is now full of theatrics and straight-up chaos—
CAPTAIN REASON
Oh, there’s hope, my friend. But it will take people of good will to reach across the hate-filled chasm and try to make healing the national divide a common cause…
IAN
And the likeliest candidates to do this are people like us, Shane. Young and spirited, but keen on maintaining respect and tolerance. I’ve reached across the chasm to befriend liberals and you’ve done as much for conservatives. Sure our goal was to persuade others to change their political opinions…
SHANE
[Nods] …but the greater and more important goal is making enemies into friends. Even if no one changes his or her politics
And with that Shane held out his hand. And Ian, just as eager as his nemesis to begin the process of breaching the national/political divide, took hold of the proffered hand and shook it.
Captain Reason watches with a satisfied smile as the two former adversaries make their way across the campus, still deep in discussion… but with a new spirit of cooperation and mindfulness. He was still watching the two young college students fade off into the distance when Dr. Leopold suddenly lurched towards him from behind—quickly slapping a chemical-soaked rag over his mouth and nose. Chloroform of course. Captain Reason releases a few muffled cries and struggles mightily against his captor, but it was no use. He goes limp into the doctor/professor’s arms within moments. The barefooted eighteen-year-old hero is completely unconscious.
Dr Leopold drags the youth’s rag doll-like body off into the shadows….
2. INT. COLLEGE CAMPUS – EVENING
In a locked laboratory on campus, Dr. Leopold is proudly presenting the unconscious body of Captain Reason to Kitty Stewart. The youth was stretched out corpse-like upon a table.
Kitty was Leopold’s TA and a former patient of his at the Lawrence Psychiatric Institute. Though she had been diagnosed with several indecipherable forms of psychosis, she currently spent her days as Dr. Leopold’s serene teaching assistant. Sometimes she even taught the classes herself in addition to working with students in laboratories, grading papers and working directly for Dr. L.
She smiled and nodded her thanks to the professor before taking hold of Captain Reason’s smooth bare feet. They were warm in her hands. And after a minute of massaging them and testing her touch to ensure the young superhero wouldn't awaken, Kitty brought the big toe of the superhero’s left foot into her mouth.
<CUT TO>
Kitty was exploring CR’s soles with her tongue, smiling when the ticklish sensation made the teen hero giggle in his sleep.
And as she did this, Captain Reason dreamed …
In his dream, a psychotic patient from the institute named “Jerry” was kissing his toes and thoroughly licking each one. It felt wonderful! So real.
And that is because it was real in a sense.
Captain Reason awoke to find Kitty Stewart worshipping his feet. The TA was kissing and licking every one of his toes—probing between each digit with her tongue. When she saw that the young hero was slowly regaining his senses, she stopped what she was doing and flashed him a cold smile.
KITTY
Long time no see, Captain Reason—
CAPTAIN REASON
[Groggily as he sits up] “Long time”? I saw you just last week at the institute—
KITTY
[Cutting him off] Or should I call you Ryan Roth? Son, if you’re going to do the whole superhero thing, you might want to invest a few bucks into a face-concealing mask to hide your identity…
DR. LEOPOLD
Lois Lane never caught on that Clark Kent was Superman, and he only wore a pair of eyeglass—
KITTY
[Frowns] Lois Lane was an experiment in artificial stupidity! [Reaches down and fondles Captain Reason’s toes] I mean, come on… the bitch couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel! [To Captain Reason] Last time we spoke, you told me all about your home life—all your brothers and sister [pauses a beat] and your mother… [chuckles] Now that woman is proof that evolution can go in reverse! Tell me; Why is it that people who obviously hate kids have so many of them?
Captain Reason looks as if he is about to make an attempt at answering, but then a wave of dizziness seems to overwhelm him. Swaying a bit, his eyes roll back into his head and he collapses limply back upon the table… as unconscious as he had been minutes earlier.
Seeing this, Kitty merely looks over at Dr. Leopold and shrugs.
KITTY
This boy never did have all his Cornflakes in one box, but I expected a little more from him now that he’s a big-time superhero an’ all. Ah, well…
Then she calmly picks up the unconscious youth’s right bare foot and proceeds to suck his toes as the scene fades.
[FADE]
